This book offers you a new view of any abusive relationship as a contract for learning through pain. In this way, we build on these facts:

• We are born in this life with a purpose to accomplish
• We are supposed to discover which purpose each one of us has
• We have to apply all our energies and skills to accomplish this purpose

If we came to this world with a purpose, and we need to learn some skills in life to be able to accomplish our life mission, then entering into very difficult situations, such as an abuse situation where one can end up tortured or severely hurt is part of life’s program. It has the purpose of teaching us resilience. With resilience, emotional abuse does not control you; you control emotional abuse and use it to make yourself stronger.

Which skills can we learn? Resilience is composed of several other skills:

~Patience, to be in this situation and don’t despair that life can be good;
~Stubbornness, or unending hope that an exit is near;
~Strategy, to learn from the enemy about how to outsmart him/her
~Endurance, as not to forget that the objective is not win the war but to survive
~Humor, because in desperate situations helps lighten them

Of course, not everybody reading this lesson will accept this frame, and most of you could be hurt thinking that I’m promoting using pain to teach others. Please understand that I don’t want to invalidate your pain, frustration, depression, loneliness, or desire to give up. Emotional abuse is a real wound, with a real perpetrator. At the same time, I want you to be able to take control of your own situation, and use the pain life is giving you to make your life better. Otherwise, the emotional abuse is a “stain” that you try to hide by covering it up, always moving fast into the future and other distractions so that your pain isn’t rearing it’s ugly head. Here you learn that each challenge big or small is presented to teach us some lesson to make us wiser or stronger.

Healing Emotional Abuse Book 5:

When Love Hurts: Repairing The Pain of Loving an Emotionally Abusive Person