Sometimes in life you are blocked by unseen forces….and as much as you strive to go forward, each day is an uphill battle! Nothing comes naturally, easily, and you feel constantly paying new dues in every field of endeavor!
Then doubt installs in your mind, and for the simplest action you need to convince yourself that yes, you can do this with the minimum risk, that you have the skills, knowledge and stamina to get it finished. And when you finally get your spirits together you find yourself so drained off all energy to actually do something about it..
Until one day you realize the root of problem: If you had trust in yourself, you would not be doubting to the point of exhaustion!, you will feel that inner force irradiating from you, making , obstacles to disappear and people willingly join to your efforts to make your dreams come true.
Wouldn’t it be perfect if you could begin reinforcing the image that you have of yourself, stop pretending that other people know what it is best for you, and begin unleashing the inner force of your true self?
Are You a Victim of Wrong Mental Programming?
I don’t know about you, but I grew up in a household where the main tool to keep you obedient was discouraging your ideas, your creativity and in short, clipping your wings so you would not leave the family nest….daring to be different. Their comments were always negative, discouraging, and off putting. Like saying “who do you think you are?” , when you wanted to be a dancer. Or “You will never go to the university”, when you shared your dream of being a doctor.
And as any child that looks into grown ups for guidance the belief that you where not supposed to dare for this, that you where not good enough for that, that you did not deserved love and many others limitations took seed into your mind, and stated to grow, and after a while you stopped questioning them and accepted them as the “Truth”…
The results are now devastating:
You Don’t Trust Your Innate Sense of What You Can Achieve!
The good news is that, you can do as much of what you dream to, given time, necessary resources and dedication. But you will have to cut off all those limiting thoughts from your mind, and put in their place a new set that reflects more on you, and your true potential.
Ready for a short test, of your level of self-esteem?
- I let others decide how they see me, it is easier
- I go along with other’s decisions, to keep the peace
- I’m considered as very strong, and that leaves me too lonely.
- I express myself as I want always, and people listen to me.
- I keep to myself, fearing to offend or to be criticized
- I act afterwards with resentment
- I’m only sure if I go along with others’ opinions
- I can express what my needs are, anytime
- It is better to avoid negotiations at all
- I wait until the other person gives me my own share
- I negotiate from a position of power over others
- I can share the power and find shared solutions
If you scored less than 10, then self esteem booster is we what you need..
Probably, you are thinking that this test was so easy….the choices are clear: they are between making your own, personal choices, or letting others rule your life, and making those wishes and needs respected, without breaking relationships.
Your Low Self Confidence is Damaging For Your Relationship
Are you supporting a “nice person” image of yourself only to avoid all confrontations?
As a child you always wanted to be accepted, and you learned some tricks that gave results for a while. Creating a strong image of a Nice Person, helped you to feel more accepted by our parents, siblings, and friends. This nice person will always mold into the group, accepting the ruling of others without a chance to include your own needs into their agenda. By doing that your own needs had became second priority, and sometimes they will be have to suppressed completely.
This may be what others expect from you, but you paid a very high price tag….after many years of doing the “nice person act” you will find your energy is so low, that you feel so empty, devoid of all motivation, and sense of purpose.
It is at this moment that you realize the need to choose between pleasing others or fulfilling your own needs, claiming what you really are, what you really want ..
But this is only possible if you learn how to assert and grow your own identity: Too strong self-assertion will provoke powerful reactions that can be too stressing or even damaging, and too weak a self-esteem will leave you very vulnerable to whatever others need or want, sending you to the starting point.
Is low self-esteem, and the fears and doubts that come with it, keeping you from achieving what you really want in life? Are you tired of waiting for someone to come along and rescue you from your pain? Today, you can learn how to rescue yourself, by being the heroine of your own amazing life story!
Here, you’ll learn where self-esteem comes from, how it feeds off negativity in your life, and how you can fight off the “enemies” (fear, doubt, negativity) while “powering up” on the positive things in life.
I want to share with you this post, from my own blog:
I remember clearly that voice…it was not coming from another person’s mouth, but from my own head! At thirteen, I was trying desperately to fit in, to be accepted and valued by a new group of friends at school, when I could hear the phrase: “Who do you think you are?…you don’t belong here!” It was scary, because I was alone, and that voice could only be coming from me…was I going crazy?
Later on, I could recognize the voice as my own mother’s voice, saying what she always offered to me: a negative comment on my abilities…I knew very well the dampening effect she could have on my illusions of developing myself, of growing up to be somebody. I had spent so much time listening to those demeaning comments, that now I could do it to myself very easily!
Becoming a high self-esteem person can be a challenge, but any challenge can be overcome if you set your mind to it– especially a challenge that is IN your mind! Do you find, like I did, that you often have only bad things to say about yourself? Do you cut yourself down, even in small ways, when talking with your friends? Do you mentally punish yourself if you make mistakes, however small? Do you pass off credit or praise when you are recognized at work?
Your self-esteem is based on your self-image; low self-esteem comes from having accepted a negative self-image, high self-esteem comes from appreciating yourself. One of the consequences of suffering emotional abuse, is to end up with a very low self-esteem. It takes some work, but you CAN change your self-image towards a more realistic one.
Tip #1 List the aspects you appreciate about yourself.
Yes, write them down, this is not vanity, is self-healing. It’s okay if you can only think of a few aspects right now, get the more basic, like are you dependable? are you an organized person? Remember what people say about you, and don’t argue with the suggestions you are given. Try to remember one new positive aspect each day.
Tip #2 Stop the verbal self put downs
When someone gives you a compliment, do you usually down play it or say something negative instead? Do you find yourself responding with “But…” or another self-demeaning phrase? Next time you are appreciated, catch yourself before you respond this way and don’t let the words come out. Try simply saying “Thank you.” Let the compliment be, don’t wash it away with negativity.
Tip #3 Remember the positive things people have said about you
Yes, people do think good things about you. This is another good one to write down. What are some positive things people have said about you in the past? Even if you don’t necessarily agree with them, put them in this list. You may be surprised at how this can help you start changing – it gives you the option to see yourself as the owner of positive aspects too.
Tip #4 Stop the mental self punishment
Even if you have truly negative aspects, it does not signify you are worthless, you are only a project in development…You are allowed to be imperfect now, without punishment, because you are evolving. Think of this just like tip #2 and keep it simple. If you say to yourself phrases like “Oh you are so stupid!” or “You screwed up again!” or “Ugh You are so ugly?,” just STOP! Your habit of mentally putting yourself down or punishing yourself may be so strong that you don’t even notice these internal comments anymore. Pay attention, and when you hear yourself saying something negative, stop. Even if it is mid-thought, cut it off. Think of something else, or go back to your list in point 1 above, and say in loud voice: “Yes, I’m always late, but I’m also a hard worker.”
Tip #5 Make a habit to appreciate yourself
Yes, it’s time to rejoice in a positive self image. Even if you are going against the opinion of all your family, you have a right to appreciate yourself. For example, instead of telling yourself: “Oh you are so stupid,” say: “I can fix that mistake.” Instead of “Ugh I look so ugly” pick one thing about your look you ARE happy with and try it instead, “I love this color of lipstick/eye-shadow/nail polish/shirt/etc.” When someone praises you, in addition to saying “Thank you,” repeat the praise in your head and agree with it. Add it to your list(s). Move forward to creating your own positive commands: “Bravo, you did a good job! or: “Wonderful, such a good work you can do cooking!”. When you finish a project, don’t just stop there, pat yourself on the back and say “Great job you did!”
In this way, you can re-create your self-image based on who you are, not on who your family or parents see on you….This is always distorted, and it is a lot of work to convince yourself you have a right to feel better about your own person. You will begin to glow from the inside out, and your self-confidence will carry through the toughest duties of life. The job of appreciating yourself now can be extended to all the magnificent aspects that life offers you, right? And as much as you can appreciate everything around you, your happiness will grow…This is the best year for your self-growth!
Learning to Develop Your Self-worth?
Throughout this book, we’ll go in depth into all the ways that you can counteract the doubt that is destroying your self-worth. To start, you should know that there are plenty of simple ways in which you can boost your self-esteem and change to a more positive and healthy outlook about yourself.
Here are some tips for developing and boosting your self-worth:
- Don’t take other people’s criticism to heart, instead listen to what they are saying and simply ask yourself whether you agree, disagree, and why. Always ask why!
- Take some time out for yourself everyday to meditate, look inside yourself and realize all your good points.
- Celebrate and pride yourself on even the smallest achievements that you accomplish.
- Do something everyday that you enjoy, such as talking a walk in the sunshine or soaking in a bubble bath.
- Never deprive yourself of something you enjoy. If you imagine it is something you shouldn’t be doing, then review the reasons why it should be forbidden. If it’s not hurting anybody, then hey, challenge the rules by going for it anyway!
- Talk positively to yourself, and repeat positive affirmations to chase away all the negative thoughts and feelings.
YOU can read more useful tips in this book…and please, get in touch with us so we can give you more support and love!
Healing Emotional Abuse Book 4: